Heartless Wretch
by Supreme King of Awesome
Summary: My first fiction, let the torture begin. A member comes back to the Organization after being away for three years. Everything triples in insanity.
1. Chapter 1

**My first fiction. I would like to say that I hate it. Mainly because this is an OC story and I hate all OC stories. Usually it is something like "Oh, I'm the chosen one," or, "Oh, I have four keyblades because I have a tail and I hold the fourth in my mouth. Every organization member is afraid of me, Xemnas quivers in fear at the mention of my name, Zexion is in love with me, no, Axel is in love with me. I am Riku's brother/sister. You see my rage.**

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><p><strong>Heartless Wretch<strong>

"Xaldin! I said I was sorry!" Demyx wailed as he ran from the lance holding wind wielder.

"Demyx, this is the last time you ruin my cooking!" Xaldin stopped for a moment to weep over his loss. "My beautiful cake! So well prepared."

Demyx had run off while she – he, I said he – was crying. When he noticed this, the lancer let out a sigh and opened a portal to the place in the castle only Demyx would be dumb enough to hide in.

As Xaldin stepped out of the portal to the third floor closet he saw the pitiful sitarist frantically trying to throw open the locked door. At the sound of the portal closing, Demyx turned and gave a high pitched scream at the sight of Xaldin, who promptly grabbed him by the throat and started shaking him. It was at this time that number XVI ambled around the corner and took on a confused expression when he saw the scene before him.

He was a large brute, broad shouldered and only slightly smaller than Lexeaus with no pupils in his eyes. At the time he had been looking at his reflection in a large knife he had been holding, trying to see if he had something in his teeth. His name was Exlin.

Exlin opened his mouth to speak, but decided against it thinking that he would not want to get involved. With this in mind, he turned around and made his way back around the corner.

Farther down was the new and improved gray area with a newly installed kitchen fit for a five star restaurant. Needless to say, Xaldin kissed the superior's feet for letting him have it.

In one of the couches sat Lexeaus eating Rocky road Ice cream from a glass. He straightened up when he heard the whine of the intercom. "Great, What now?"

So far he had done a decent job of avoiding the other members these last couple of days since Vexen took half of an inch off the top of his hair for who knows what. He was sure this was going to be a meeting of little importance.

"All members report to Where Nothing Gathers for a meeting of little importance!" Xemnas' voice boomed over the intercom.

"Of course." Lexeaus thought up about twenty swear words before teleporting to the meeting.

"Xigbar, who was in the middle of 'Let's Playing' a game of upside down Mega man, said, "Hmm. Seems like things are about to get a little more interesting around here." Speaking to a camera being held by a moogle floating in front of the TV, he said, "Ninja instinct you know." He then Ninja poofed to the throne room.

Xaldin, who currently still had his hands on Demyx's neck, looked down and said, "Looks like we have to cut this short. Same time tomorrow, Demyx?"

Demyx dusted himself off after he was released. "Sure thing."

With that, they both teleported to their respective seats with Exlin behind them.

Vexen was in his lab with a human sized version of the Twilight Thorn currently working on a new replica of Lexeaus. "I wonder if this is…"

"Vexen, I have a question."

"What?"

"Why is it that all of the replicas you made except of yourself are female? I mean, it makes it look like you're some sort of per-" STAB! A giant syringe needle was sticking through his chest. He looked down and thought for a second. "Never mind," he said as Vexen slid into a portal.

Zexion was in his room reading his new addition to his Bookshelf That Never Was. He marked the page he was on and said,"Mortal instruments is dead, my ass." He then enveloped himself in a cloud of black as he dropped a smoke bomb and disappeared.

Saix was in the library looking over the latest addition to his subscription. He looked up. "He really couldn't have waited until tomorrow." She chuckled before opening a corridor. "I guess it could not be avoided."

Axel was in his room playing the avatar video game. "YEAH! EAT THAT ZUKO!" before pausing at the cut-scene and teleporting away.

Luxord was on the phone talking to someone in an urgent voice. "You said _what_ happened? After the drowning in girls part please. Where are you? What does it _look_ like? Okay, I'll send someone for you. Yes, they will hurry. Yes, because you're the greatest. Bye." He clicked off. "I hate him," he muttered as he allowed himself to be enveloped by the shadows.

Marluxia was in his green room investigating a giant rose bush. He snapped his fingers with glee. "DAMN, I'm good." He was then pushed over from behind and dragged roughly by his boots. He turned his head to see that a sorcerer was floating in place while a dark corridor opened up beneath them both.

Larxene was in her room stabbing her teddy bear collection. She looked at the intercom, grumbled and lept into a corridor that she opened in the wall shouting, "STAB, MAIM, KILL, DETESTICLEISE!"

Roxas and Xion were in Lexeaus' room playing a round of DDR while he was out. With perfect timing, they both stepped off of the pad and began to walk into a corridor when Roxas' theme music came on with no provocation. Said boy immediately turned emo and hung his head. Xion put on a sympathetic smile and said, "Don't be upset Roxas, it will pass. It always does." Roxas only nodded sadly as he let Xion drag him through the portal.

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><p><strong>Hope you guys enjoyed the terrible first chapter that has almost nothing to do with the rest of the plot. If you think it was good, tell me. If you think it sucked, tell me. Honestly, I will accept any opinion you throw at me, as it is the only way the work will improve (Ignoring the fact that I have four waiting chapters already.) Although I am sure that all of you will not call me on this I <em>am<em> aware that there are only thirteen chairs in where nothing gathers and that the twilight thorn only comes in one size. Also all of you demyx fans will probably hate me come chapter three. Well, anyway, Review, yada yada. Supreme King is out!**


	2. Chapter 2

** Hello all. If you were adventurous enough to suffer through the first chapter… well props to you. In this chapter, I'm going to set up some more awful thoughts by introducing the main OC. Sorry to torture you guys with my mediocrity, but I have this horrible urge to put these thoughts on paper, err, text? Somewhere in between?**

Initiation. Maybe? Or something?

And so it was that the Organization converged to have a meeting. Again. Once more. For the fifth time that day. Night. Whatever. Everyone was doing what they usually did. That was, of course, ignore all of what Xemnas said through his random ramblings about hearts, and their goals, and that strange smell in the fourteenth floor men's restroom, and throw in random babble and hope they were lucky. Needless to say, the one who got zapped the least was Luxord who kept smiling to himself and saying, "It's all in the deals," reminding the superior of their poker deal. But in any case, this author has started to ramble himself.

There was of course Xemnas, who was sitting in his high chair waving his arms around and screaming at the top of his lungs about his love for "HEARTS!" After about fourteen aspirin and Vexen doctoring up Exlin after all of the wubby-dubby stuff made him ralf, Xemnas decided to stop the torture and get to the reason why he called the meeting.

"We have a new soul joining our struggle to regain our hea-"

"DONOT SAY THAT WORD!" Exlin passed out. Vexen did not notice.

Xion spoke up. "Sir, in my last mission, I collected a total of one-thousand sixty-three hearts and twenty-four rupees. I only count fifteen of us. Can't we just use those?"

Xemnas shook his head. "Tut, tut. You poor girl, rupees are gems; you can't simply stick anything in your chest and call it a heart. Does not go thump-thump."

"No. I meant the-"

"Uh? Can I come in now?" A disembodied voice echoed in the room. You know the way the talk without being there. At this, a corridor opened and a hooded man entered the room on the circular platform.

He was a tall one. Possibly an inch or two on Saix but still shorter than Axel's hair. He was lean, not like , but still not extremely bulky. His cloak was fairly typical, lacking the shoulder guards that Xigbar's have. His cloak was a tad shinier than those of the others. He did not seem to want to remove his hood even though Xemnas kept it eighty fricken' degrees Fahrenheit in where nothing gathers

As soon as numbers Two through Seven saw him, their interest diminished. The rest however, were soon making plans on what to do with him.

'Hmm, I wonder if he likes barbecue?"

'Ooh! He's shiny! Someone that shiny must be doused in water constantly I think I'll poke him later to see if he squeaks!'

'I bet he sucks at tonk.'

'Where the hell did Namine run off to? Ah well. She cannot hide from me and she knows it. I'm gonna have such a time with that round little tu-'

'Ah, another **man.** I bet he, like all of the others will be constantly attempting to hit on me. Since this is obviously going to be the case, I will have to repeatedly stab him to stave off his attempts on me. Thus, this is the only reason I will need as it will be completely justified. My stabbings are not completely random in any way. All who say otherwise are to be immediately stabbed without question.'

'Oh boy! I hope he's better than Xion in DDR!'

'Oh boy! I hope I don't have to play against Roxas in DDR anymore!'

Xemnas had taken a shower during all of their inner monologues and came back wearing his zebra print bathrobe. This is unimportant.

Xaldin was sobbing and saying something about super cockblock.

"Say there sonny! I-I mean dude!" Xigbar shouted. "Tell us your name and stop this awkward silence that always comes up whenever there is always a newbie!"

"Jexsam," he said without blinking. Or they all assumed he wasn't blinking.

**As I assume you all can tell by this little cliff-hanger, I hate giving you guys all of the details. I'm just a bad person like that. Well, anyway, I'll try to update soon in between my bouts of too lazy to get off his ass. Also, I'm sorry that I did not prepare a rant but I started watching AVGN and it soothed my rage. So, review and tell me what you think. Because if you don't-(looks around)- I'll hunt you down and make you play ET on the NES.**


	3. Then the Demyx fans bite my head off

**Well, here we are again. Stuck in this same pointless loop, this cycle of post and read, I often wonder if the people on the internet are really honest when they say that they actually like my work. Of course, if they did not, they would either be trying an attempt at being nice (and let us all face it. No one is **_**nice**_** anymore.), or being a troll for themselves, which is again pointless as no one else would get the joke. I don't know, maybe I am being a little bit too self-judgmental. Anyway, here I am, listening to "Chaos: The final Battle 1-3" and typing away to make up for all of my lost files trying to think of a rant but failing. I will try to make at least one rant per story a normal thing from now on though. Sorry. Also, I will not be explaining every detail of what Jexsam looks like in this one chapter as it was already explained in another story. Just know that he does **_**not**_** have caramel colored skin, he does **_**not**_** share a type of hair with Xaldin to below his shoulders, and he certainly does **_**not **_**have dark brown eyes. Thank you.**

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><p>Vexen was in the middle of stirring a new chemical in his lab when he heard the sound of someone ripping a huge, gaping hole through the fabric of reality itself and somehow not ending all of creation in one fell swoop. As you can imagine, this explanation of the common occurrence did not pass over well with a certain bed wetting music fanatic, so they now called it a dark corridor. "Ah, Jexsam," the scientist said without turning around, "how goes things?"<p>

The awesomeness in question walked at an ambling pace to where Vexen was standing. Once there, he observed what Vexen was doing for a good twenty seconds, and then ran a hand through all of the equipment that the scientist was currently using, ruining whatever project he was working at.

"Hey!" Vexen turned to look at the vandal, unfelt rage plastered on his face. "What the H-bomb, man?"

With an evil grin on his face, Jexsam spoke, "Oh good, you're not doing anything." He pretended to examine his nails through his gloves. While still gazing at his hand he said, "Yeah, the Superior of the Stuffed Animals said he wanted to see you about something kind of, sort of, not really important."

"You ruined my experiment, you buffoon!" Vexen was steaming. "It was going to make me famous! Give riches beyond your wildest dreams right now!"

"Hmm, tempting but not likely. Come on Vexen, hurry it up. It's like you _want_ Xemnas to turn you into a sculpture, or something related."

Vexen scowled, twisting his already fugly face. "What is it with you nothings and your obsession with disrupting my body's natural physical state?" He then sighed in annoyance. "Fine. What does our perfect leader want from me?"

Jexsam stood aside and gestured toward the still open corridor which as was currently letting out all of cool air in Vexen's lab. "Go see for yourself."

"You… you didn't ask, did you?"

"I don't get paid to ask questions. I get paid to do this." He held up a hand and snapped his fingers, the cue for something dramatic.

… … …

The scientist looked around, not seeing whatever was supposed to happen. To his left, the new replica was resting in her acceleration tank, as disturbed as she was clothed, which is to say not at all still. The pervert. To his right, hanging or leaning against the far wall was a vast array of technology that was doubtless stolen, as no one in the organization was ever paid. 'Hold on' Vexen thought. 'Could it be?' He looked up in fear and shock, certain of what he would see, only to be once again proved wrong as there was nothing in sight but the dark ceiling. "Um," he said looking back down to Jexsam, "what is it that I'm supposed to be afraid of?"

Jexsam rolled his eyes at the tardiness. "These things aren't instantaneous, you know."

… … …

Vexen was growing uncomfortable in the silence and was resorting to shifting his in cloak to make a little noise. "So..." Vexen began, realizing that he had not been out of his lab since the rabbit fiasco, "How's the weather outside?"

Jexsam gave Vexen the "you really just asked that" look and said, "The same as it always is, dumbanus."

"Ah, still dark and cloudy, is it? Xemnas really should call a mechanic about—"

"**KYYAAAAAAAHH!" **

**THWAK!**

"**AAAAAAAAHAAAAAAAAHAAAAAAAA!"**

Jexsam clapped as Vexen was sent flying by Lexeaus, who crashed in through the wall behind Vexen aiming and landing a flying kick (which, by the way, could shatter even the tallest and mightiest oak tree) to the spine of the aforementioned scientist, launching him through the corridor faster than one of the Flash's dates.

"Nice one Lex." Jexsam's praise was wholehearted, which should tell you something. "Though, I think you may have overdone it."

Lexeaus looked down at Jexsam. "How do you figure that?"

Jexsam scratched the back of his head. "I don't know, maybe it had something to do with the fact that after you kicked him, he was set on fire and turned into a speeding, possibly explosive, comet."

**BOOM!**

"**EEEEEEEEEIIIIIIIIIIIIIIKK!"**

The explosion from upstairs confirmed Jexsam's thoughts.

Lexeaus was the one to scratch his head his time. "I don't understand. Comets are not made fire. There is no logic behind what just happened."

"Well sure there is. Comets are made of..?"

"Ice?"

"Very good Lexeaus. Now, there is just one question I have to ask you. Kyah?"

Lexeaus raised an eyebrow. "That? I used to be a martial artist back in my mundane days."

Jexsam stood back a little. "That is without a doubt, the most terrifying thing I have ever heard in my entire life. Here is a cookie for your troubles, sir." Jexsam pulled a cookie from some unknown orifice in his cloak and, handing it to Lexeaus, left him to his own devices before things got ugly. He then decided, against his better judgment, to follow Vexen through the portal.

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><p>Why Xemnas decided that it would be a good idea to take a bath while he was expecting company, no one would ever know. He stood, draped in a zebra print towel and wearing a shower cap, with his arms folded glaring down at a broken and battered Vexen. As it turned out, the seven year old girl Jexsam had assumed let out the shriek of terror earlier had been Xemnas. It should have been expected that his natural response to a burning Vexen turned comet would be to scream at the top of his lungs and beat the scientists already mangled carcass with a loofa. Why no one did expect it was beyond even the smartest person in the castle, Squirrel Steve. "Well, Vexen," Xemnas began in a superior tone, "What do you have to say for yourself?"<p>

The corps let out a strange, gurgling response. "Aahaabeeeedurgaah?"

Jexsam, having come in and just miss the brutality, looked down and said, "Uh, was that a question? I think it was a question."

"Hmm." Xemnas put a finger to his chin in thought. "He's even more useless like this than he usually is." More thought on the part of Xemnas filled a few more seconds. "Ah, I have it." He pointed at Jexsam. "You, working slave! Hand over a potion."

Jexsam slowly lifted his head and eyes to look at Xemnas. "Oh, I know I was not just called a slave." He once more reached into his cloak and pulled out his trusty intense agony repellant- erm, I mean potion bottle. Tossing it to Xemnas, he watched as said heart lover took out the cork and guzzled down the contents of the bottle.

"Ah," he breathed, "that is much better. The bitter taste helps me with stress, you see," he said looking at Jexsam.

"Of course," Jexsam agreed, "one has no use for stress when they are in charge of an organization." He looked to Vexen again, only to find that he was not there. "Xemnas, it appears that Vexen has become a puddle. Should I get someone to mop him up?"

Before Xemnas could answer, a voice interrupted his would-be speech. "Xemnas, have you seen my- oh my." It was Vexen, staring down at the puddle. He was very much alive and was currently closing the corridor he used to get into Xemnas' office. "It appears that the too-beautiful-for-this-world clone V-117 has expired under unnatural circumstances. No matter, I have 116 more just like him in my closet.

Both of the other two men in the room started pointing fingers in different directions and babbling like a couple of fools. Vexen raised both arms above his head and said, "Plot shielding bitches!"

"Okay, you know that I am going to do?" the Superior began, "I am not in any way about to freak out. I am going to give you my orders, dry off and return to my paperwork. In the buff." He looked to Vexen. It has recently come to my attention that our resident piss-pants, three-headed dog fearing, mullet sporting, 'musician' is a complete and total wuss in every definition of the word. That is why I am calling on you Vexen, because you may be the only one that can help him. You need to recreate him." Xemnas inhaled and exhaled twice. "Your mission, Vexen, should you choose to accept it –and let us all face it, it isn't like you even have a choice- is to take Demyx back to the basement and use all of your know-how science stuffs to make him tough. Now go Vexen, make daddy proud!"

Vexen gave a salute. "Yes sir Mr. Superior sir, I wi- wait, what was that last thing you said?"

"GO!"

That last shout was so forceful that it opened a new portal behind the scientist and, simultaneously, threw the man into it.

Jexsam let out a whistle. "Now, that is what I am talking about. Of course, there is the problem of Demyx. I highly doubt that he will just sit still and allow Vexen to poke and prod him with various instruments."

Xemnas turned to Jexsam. "You doubt Vexen's abilities?"

"You trust his abilities? That madman, while admittedly having a very high intellect in his possession, is also the weakest of the Organization, even falling below Demyx himself."

Xemnas considered this for a brief moment. "You make a valid point. Accompany him just in case the musician has discovered the meaning of the word gumption."

Jexsam began to back away to his own black hole while performing an over exaggerated bowing motion. "As you wish, my liege."

When Jexsam was gone, Xemnas took on a regal pose and said, "My liege? I think I like that."

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><p>"So, what would be so wrong about just waltzing over there and grabbing him?"<p>

Jexsam and Vexen had finally found Demyx in the gray area. He was sitting on the stool near the kitchen eating a piece of watermelon and after every bite, strumming a chord on his sitar and saying, in an annoying watermelon seed filled voice, "Gamechap, where have you run off to?"

Vexen shot a sorrowful glance at Jexsam and said, "I flat iron my hair." Once said, he hung his head and let out one low sob.

"Um," Jexsam began, "I'm afraid that I do not understand what you mean."

Vexen's head shot up like a rocket. "Do you really want to see what I look like with an afro?"

Jexsam took a short step backward.

"That is what I thought."

Jexsam sighed and walked out from their hiding place behind the 96" plasma screen TV and walked off toward Demyx, hearing something like, "abort, abort!" coming from behind him.

Once Demyx seemingly heard his approach, he looked up and stared at the oncoming Nobody with a mouthful of seeds.

"Yo, what goes on Demdodolidoop?" Stare. "Uh, yeah. So Xemnas says that you have to come back down with us to Vexen's lab. No big deal, really. Just your standard issue poking and injecting." More staring. Jexsam began to make his way to Demyx's position. "So, if you would, just stand up and **OW!**"

The little demon had begun a watermelon seed rapid fire and was shooting Jexsam's shins. That is, he was until Jexsam, in some unseen movement, had crossed the rest of the distance and clamped his hand over Demyx's mouth, grabbed his arm, and pulled in an effort to drag him off of the stool. Only probem with this plan was that Demyx had suddenly recieved backup. About ten of the Dancers that had been tending to the kitchen unseen, grabbed onto the other arm. It was a tug of war that lasted all of two seconds. Neither side was willing to give an edge to the other. It was neck and neck until -

**PRACKLE!**

Demyx stared in shock at his now stump of a shoulder, as the rest of his bloody limb was in Jexsam's hand. Jexsam himself was expressionless. The water wielder then simply fell on the ground, unconscious, all of his seeds spilling from his mouth. Upon seeing their leader fallen, the Dancers dissipated to wait for more instructions.

Footsteps sounded behind Jexsam. Vexen summoned a small group of Dusks and directed them in carrying the unconscious, one armed man. "Are you just going to stand there, or are you going to give me that arm?" Vexen was holding his hand out. It should have been expected that he would have no difficulty holding a severed limb.

After Vexen and his helpers were gone, Jexsam was left to clean up the ugly red mess. As he reached into the closet in the kitchen his hand froze. He turned to the windows, seeing nothing but the same dark sky. He went back to the closet and picked up the mop. "Here? Maybe… No. I need more time.

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><p><strong>OH MY GOD, I AM SOOOOOO KRYPTIC, AREN'T I? Line Breaks suck. I thank you all for reading as far as you have, even though I have, admittedly, not been giving you all very much to work with. Three chapters without much substance. As I am intent on saying over and over again, I have been typing a little longer than I used to so that I could make up the files that I had lost before. Also I apologize, because as you experienced writers most likely noticed, the writing was sort of rushed closer to the end. This is because I realized how long it had been since I updated this story. I will attempt to update within the week, but as I am certain that I will continue to say, no promises. If you can tell me how many times I said Vexen's name, you get a thumbs up from the Superior of the Stuffed Animals. Supreme King is out!<strong>


	4. Wow This one has a plot

**-_- I am so awful at this updating thing. The same goes for my rage. Ever since I started typing for this series, I have been perfectly calm. ! Alright let me tell you all why I am upset. Did you know that Toonami is back? Gasp, Shock, Alarm! It was back at least for this past Saturday. Now, you may be asking, "why in the name of all that is good and perfect would this be a bad thing?" Well, my perfect cousin decided that the best time for me to be told about this was RIGHT DURING THE ENDING CREDITS FOR THE ORIGIONAL DRAGON BALL Z! IDIOT! So it didn't cross your mind that maybe, just maybe I would rather be watching the greatest fighting show of all time than FUGGIN FRIENDSHIP IS MAGIC? NOW LET'S WRITE SOME FUGGIN FICTION!**

You wanted to see me again Vexen?" Jexsam said as he ambled down the hall to where the scientist stood. "I can promise you that if this visit leaves me with whiskers, you will regret it in the worst possible way."

Vexen sat on the sill of an open window - the only window the fourth floor had - and was holding a pair of binoculars to his face looking out of the window. He pulled them away. "Why yes, I have something for you to do." Vexen turned his head to Jexsam only to have his eyes widen past the top of his forehead in his shock. In between his fingers the other man held two detached eyeballs that must have been cleaned to have not had any coagulated blood on them. For some reason he was holding the detached eyes up to his own.

"Um... Jexsam, whose eyeballs are those, and why are they coated with glitter?"

Jexy lowered the eyes and said, "These things? I ripped them out of Edward Cullen's face before I killed him. Now I see REALLY far, dude." He said this as if it, were not the most disgusting thing that he had ever done. "Did you know that the only part of the vampire that is actually still alive is the brain? You can burn everything else but if the brain is still active, then the mouth will continue to spout awful self incriminating emo phrases about how everything is their fault, and how they don't think that they have souls, and how they should be unloved. You can tell they are his since they're that ugly light bronze color that a bunch of women in their forties think is a sexy gold."

Vexen's eyes were still stretched above his head. 'This guy is even less safe than I am.' "All I asked was who they belonged to. The lesson on vampire anatomy was unwanted and unnecessary."

"Enough of this whining, what do you want?"

Vexen's face straitened considerably. "It is not what I want, but the whim of the In-between." Vexen took a look out of the window. "Do you remember? Back when I was respected, there was that... Incident with those people."

Jexsam rolled the eyes. "This is castle that never was. There have been many incidents with many people."

Vexen gave a pained look. "Okay, so they weren't people per say. Of course you remember. The castle's denizens learned of your acting skills then."

Jexsam remembered. "Are you talking about those weaklings with the dietary issues? Yes, of course I remember them. That was an interesting situation."

"An interesting experiment, to be more accurate. Well, yester night, Xemnas, was praying to pie when he felt... A disturbance in the hearts."

Jexsam leaned his back on the sill and dropped his jaw in mock astonishment. "Oh, so what you are saying is he felt the energy of one of your-"

"Yes." Vexen sighed far more deeply than was necessary and put a gummy bear in his mouth. "I would deal with it myself, but I am slightly preoccupied with the replica. Her growth has decelerated exponentially. If I don't tend to her immediately, she will die." He brought his face up on level with Jexsam's. "I decided to send Larxene to eradicate the remnant, but she is still so young, inexperienced. The only logical conclusion would be to send you as her aid as you have dealt with this before."

Jexsam stood back to his full height and seemed to speculate. "In all honesty, the easiest thing to do would be to send someone else entirely. Your entire argument appears to be that she is too weak. Of course, that does go for about half of the Organization, then."

The scientist stood as well. "What would that imply?"

"What do you think? Isn't the only reason that the CO team is still alive because Xemnas had the sense to pull you out when it was painfully obvious that the kid was going to slaughter you all?"

"Humph," Vexen breathed, "I refuse to see it that way."

"Come on Vexen, remember the rodent problem yesterday that Zexion would not stop calling Xemnas about? You are but a hollow shell or the warrior you once were." Jexsam had hidden the eyes in a bronze case and slid it into his cloak pocket.

Vexen growled like a yeti. "Don't make me put you in the freezer." Calming himself he looked at Jexsam seriously. "Are you doing this or not?"

Number 15 stretched his arms above his head. "Sure, why not? I haven't killed anything in a good five hours so I was getting a little restless."

"Good. I must return to the lab. The neophyte is waiting for me in front of the first floor entrance with the location."

"Then I'll meet her there."

Vexen turned to walk away, but stopped. "Good luck."

"The remnant shouldn't be any trouble."

"Vexen didn't say anything about the remnant being trouble, now did he?"

He then disappeared in a cloud of black with a chuckle.

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><p>"Um... What the heck was that?" Jexsam was currently walking to the front of the castle doors when he looked down at the kunai currently embedded into his chest.<p>

"Oops! Those are mine, do not touch!" It was Larxene, standing in his path with two knives still in her hand.

Jexsam let out a low sigh. "That is kind of hard to do that when they are stuck INSIDE of me. What were you using for target practice anyway?"

"No," she went on slowly, "what I meant was that they are booby trapped to blow up if anyone but me touches them. This basically means that unless you want to be in a few different pieces scattered across the room and all over Xemnas' clean floors, you have to do what I tell you." As she said this, you could practically see the devil horns growing out of her head. "As a start, I want an hour long foot rub, pronto." There was a snapping of the fingers.

Jexsam's face twisted up in horror. "Or - or - I have a better idea. How about I just kill you, and let the knives dissipate with their wielder?"

She frowned and slouched. "So we're being serious now?"

"Deadly."

She exhaled out of her nose. "Fine..." mumbling something under her breath about a spa day, Larxene marched over to Jexsam's position and carefully plucked the two pointy items out of his chest.

"Now that you are finished acting like a twelve year old, Vexen said that you had the coordinates of your target. I would like to get this trip down memory lane over and done with."

"Oh, you mean you don't find my company pleasurable?" She was wearing what Jexsam believed she considered her cutest face.

"Larxene, as attractive as I would have said you were in my human life, I find nothing appealing in that way anymore."

"Come on, Jexy," she said the word as if it were second nature, which it really should not have been, "Word gets going fast around here. Darth Xemnas doesn't keep us here against our will, threatening though he may be. I heard some of the old husks rumbling on about how you left three years ago. What could it possibly have been for if not a girl?"

Jexsam started walking toward the door before she had finished her inquiry. "Maybe I just got tired of all the yelling and explosions. Even with only eight members, things get overly hectic in this castle." There was an almost frantic clip-clop of heels as Larxene ran to catch up to him, only barely making it before the castle doors closed behind him.

Walking down the hard light bridge, Larxene took one of the Organization's stolen cell phones out of her pocket and pulled up a map.

Vexen is such a ginormous DUCHE HEAD. So as it would appear, Jexsam had already failed in trying to hack off his own ear with a piece of glass. Larxene had ceased her endless onslaught of words for just long enough to 'save' him from mutilating himself.

Said martyr was beginning to believe the unnamed replica was not really dying and that the scientist just wanted to torture him. Well, it was working. It had been exactly twelve seconds since Larxene pulled up the map and she had already gone into a detailed speech about why pink is the best color for her nails (she is so right), why she thinks that Xemnas should give her an extremely high raise (so she wants to get paid), and who is the castles biggest bitch (Marluxia).

Jexsam, being the genius that he is, stole a glance at the map and teleported them both to the location. Sadly, this did not stop her talking, as she went on for a full hour before realizing where they were, killing Jexsam twice in the process. Confusion was plastered across her face. "How did we..? When did we..? Never mind, where is the target that Xemnas is so anti-orgasmic about?"

Jexsam picked himself off of the ground for the second time as the camera moogle gave him another hi-potion. Scanning his surroundings he thought to himself, 'trip down memory lane is right.' The cul de sac was just how he remembered, apart from some new graffiti. Same broken windows, same unused trash can, and the same stains from his last visit. So no one bothered to clean up. How disgusting this world is. The back building still had those indentions from that final attack…

"Yo! Quit reminiscing dumbass, we have to look for that energy source." Larxene seemed a little less than pleased that the attention had momentarily shifted from her.

"Pfft!" Jexsam made a slight sound and walked a few meters away fron her. "Just look around. In case you haven't noticed smart one, there aren't that many paces for this guy to hide." Jexsam put a finger to his chin while the girl started to shout obscenities at him. "You know, except in that direction over there," he pointed to the building to the left of them.

There was no way that she had any idea what was going to happen, because if she did, she may have been able to avoid the claw sticking through her chest that was only barely visible through the debris of the building that suddenly exploded outward as the giant, shuddering, pulsing heartless made its presence known. The beast let out a guttural roar as it threw away the limp body and eyed its true target. The thing seemed to be an evolved form of Darkside. Twice as large with thorns ripping from its shoulders, it appeared that every part of it was more muscular. The tentacles that used to cover the things face were moved back as part of its mane. The heart shaped hole was filled in and made of pure muscle. Each finger ended in a yard long, curved, metallic claw that reminded Jexsam of Xaldin's razor. The tendrils that made up its feet were expanded as to be able to carry the weight of the new body. Blue stripes crossed over its chest and pulsed with dark energy. The revealed face was scarred and lacking a nose with only an extremely large open mouth with giant serrated teeth only visible because of the yellow glow coming from behind them.

"So…" Jexsam said without a glance at Larxene, "You decided to show yourself." He received no other answer than a loud growl. "I guess it made sense your master didn't have the balls to show up herself. Don't tell me that she is still upset that I turned her down? Sorry, your mommy just wasn't pretty enough." It was obvious how much the heartless loved her. It all but exploded with rage at his words. "Hey, don't breathe so hard! I can already smell you."

The heartless took a single step forward, the ground trembling under the immense weight.

Jexsam stood with his back facing the demon, his hood drawn and his hands folded together in a praying motion. He could feel that the heartless took another step. Pushing this detail to the back of his mind, he began to speak.

"Upon this ground I make my vow-" another step was taken. "-So that it may be heard by the fiends of this realm-"Another step, booming. "-all those who should dare oppose the organization shall fall, crushed by this blade." The final step was taken with apparent relish. "It matters not if they be hundreds, thousands, or thousands upon thousands-"The light shining from the moon of Kingdom Hearts grew, fueled by his words. The heartless paid no attention, raising his fist to crush the vulnerable man. "-as long as it is in the will of lord Xemnas, our enemies shall be ended by the Glimmering Phantom. May your souls be spared."

**THUCK!**

As the speech came to a close, the Goliath looked to the crater he had created, surprised when he did not see a spatter of blood. His head turned behind him at a new sudden sound, prepared for anything. What he saw did not make him waver, though it should have.

The puny man was standing unharmed by the small pillar of crystal that erupted from the ground. Jexsam rested his hand on the pillar and it shattered, leaving behind the distinctive shape of a sword. The black guard and hilt together were one foot and the words 'Life' and 'Ring' were engraved on them respectively. The curved katana blade was an additional four feet and was composed completely of crystal that gleamed from the moonlight. "Shiny isn't it?" Jexsam said with a grin. "Don't worry; you'll get a better look after I shove it in your eye."

Then, allowing the sword he named Aren to fall to his side in his slack grip, he simply watched with no expression as the Goliath charged toward him once more with a bellow easily heard by his audience at the castle.

**I hope that this was good enough, given that I am a lazy son of a "WTF BOOM!" Here are my thanks to those who commented. A few things before I zonk. That line from Larxene, "So we're serious now?" was inspired by my cousin. She looked over my last chapter and said that it was not serious enough for what I had planned. So I decided that I will have to incorporate serious elements to this story alongside what I hope you people find funny. Lastly, I hope you all at least partially enjoyed the little pre-battle speech Jexsam gave. I plan to use this every time he fights before he draws his sword. Well, you know the drill, review, tell me what you did or did not like, yada yada. Supreme King is out!**


	5. What Happens When Jexsam's Rage Breaks

**Ehem. Hello. Um, Yeah, this whole "having people waiting on me for updates" thing is new to me. So I guess the few people that bother to read my crappy writing might be a little miffed that I go to sleep every day after my class instead of typing. Thank you guys for not blowing me up with the glory that is PM and also for reading as far as you have. So without any further ado I will start the ASSHOLES CAN GO TO HELL!**

"How fascinating." Marluxia sat on one of the couches in the Grey Area; eyes glued to the plasma screen watching Jexsam make a sexy – EHEM! – intimidating battle pose, his sword grip slack, an almost bored look on his face. In Marluxia's lap he held a bowl of actual porridge. It smelled like tree sap. This is irrelevant.

"How exactly is he so cool? I could beat that thing too by lulling it to sleep with my epic tones." Demyx with a repaired arm sat next to Marly eating more watermelon sans the annoying quotes. "Then I could have another pet! Patrick has been a little lonely and afraid lately, what with Xion swinging her Keyblade like a lunatic every time she sees him."

Marluxia let out a scoff of disbelief. "You, take on a Goliath? Would this be before or after you wet your pants?" With that he stared down at the porridge bowl with no expression, televised program forgotten.

"Hey!" Demyx looked indignant. "It could happen! Especially with the improvements Vexen made to me!" Demyx pulled a notepad out of his hair and started checking off the ameliorations***** that Vexen told him about. "Improved upper body muscle density, improved skin density – no one is going to rip off my arms anymore – water bonded to me on a molecular level, lengthened spitting distance. I don't really know why this was necessary. Oh, and speaking of things that were lengthened-!"

"Shush." Marluxia did not look up, nor did he raise a finger. He was still staring at the porridge bowl.

"Oh I know you didn't just shush me." Demyx made a zigzag snapping motion with his fingers. "Why are you so fixated on that thing anyway? I would have thought that you of all people would have liked to hear about-"

"That's Zexion's job, not mine." At Demyx's flustered look, he continued, "and if you must know, I stole this along with two other bowls from a couple of bears. They were all wearing clothes and saying something about going out for crystal meth while their food cooled. I have reason to believe that the mother is an awful cook, seeing as how even though all of it was made at the same time, the three bowls of porridge were all varying temperatures. I've been waiting five hours for the hot one to cool here in my lap and there has been no change. I can't feel my wrench, Demyx."

"Oh dear… perhaps Xemnas should have drafted a doctor."

"**GRRRAAAAAAAAAGH!"**

**THOOM!**

The Goliath looked around in vain for his target, knowing all too well by now that his last blow had not connected. "Tsk, tsk. How sad. Poor baby missed me again." The beast's head snapped up to the top of the building in front of him. His target was crouching on what appeared to be a neon club sign that read 'The Larxene Spleen.' "We've been going at this for five minutes and you haven't hit me once. Shameful, oh so shameful are ye."

The Goliath let out a bellow and charged forward like a Neanderthal only to be stopped when something sharp stabbed him through the stomach. His eyes widened in terror and pain. He slowly allowed his eyes to travel down to the culprit. This was when the Goliath saw his target – who had once again moved faster than comprehension – standing on the middle of the pillar of crystal whose tapered point was now lodged in the beast's stomach. His eyes narrowed as they focused on the traitor who was now visibly grinning, his hood drawn as if he thought himself a badass. With effort, the Goliath grabbed the pillar with both hands and shook it back and forth vigorously.

**SNAP!**

Jexsam leaped with only a millisecond to spare as the Goliath broke the pillar off from both the ground and his chest, and then started swinging like Xion, hitting nothing.

When he stopped his frenzy he turned his head, already knowing that the man he sought was behind him. There he was, ambling along as if to waste time. "Did your mother tell you about me?" The goliath's yellow vision waxed into a red tinge at the sound of the bastard speaking of Mother. What gave him the right to even think of her in passing? His muscles rippled and pulsed anxiously. "No, of course she didn't. It would be unlike her. After all, you're nothing but a message, a signal." The red in his eyes darkened with rage. This idiot should have known better than to goad him like this. "I can interpret the signs; she's warning that I shouldn't have let her go. This is because her power has increased to creating specimen such as you. Whatever sort of threat _you're_ supposed to be." The goliath brindled slightly, but stayed silent, allowing his inherited rage to grow. "I mean what kind of loving parent would just put her child in such danger, knowing how powerful I was at our last meeting." The monster's breathing stopped. "Oh wait, that's _right_," Jexsam let out a low chuckle, "you're nothing but a _pawn_! That bitch doesn't love you at all!" At this the target broke down and started laughing with his head to the sky as if the world were ending.

The Goliath was trembling. "**GRRRAA**_**FUUUCK YOOOUUU!**__"_

He was still laughing. "Wow, you're evolved enough to be able to say minor phrases! Sooo scawey."

"_**GRAAA!**_" With one final all encompassing bellow, the Goliath's chest unleashed a large, rippling beam of pure rage energy that hit its laughing target square in the face and erupted in an explosion of pure malice, completely destroying the asphalt in the surrounding area. The beast was breathing deeply in an attempt to calm himself as the smoke settled around ground zero. This proved to be to no avail as he began to growl once more when he saw that his target was still alive and standing.

"Humph." Jexsam stood there with his hood blown off of his head, eyes darkening to match his expression. "I felt that." The grip on his katana tightened as his face contorted with rage. "A LITTLE TOO MUCH!"

The monster threw a large right fist at Jexsam with yet another guttural roar – only to lose control of the fist a second later when a long vertical slash mark appeared and cut through the tendons in his hand. The Goliath gripped his wrist in a feeble attempt to stop the black blood from trailing down his hand, dropping the crystal pillar in the process. ******During this commotion, Jexsam took a small piece of glass out of his cloak pocket and studied himself. He gave a scoff of disgust and replaced the glass, wiping the dirt off of his face in the process. Looking at the beast he readied Aren once more, pointing its tip at the trembling monster's stomach where he knew the shard of crystal he had stabbed him with earlier still lay. Letting out a small sigh, he extended the blade outwards the five yards to where the giant was standing, lightly touching the fragment, then retracted it before the Goliath could notice. Looking at the tip of his blade, he studied the beasts thick, steaming, bubbling blood for a moment then returned his gaze to his new victim.

"I manifest my power as Aren. A sword can be anything, wood, stone, iron, steel, even rusty tin. As long as the person wielding the sword is capable, then there is no enemy they cannot overcome." Jexsam quickly moved his sword behind him to block the incoming scratch of a Neoshadow without looking back. In the same second, Aren was stabbed through the ground piercing the chest of the foolish creature and causing it to dissipate. "Why is this important you ask? Because your so-called 'mother' knows this about me. She knew just how dangerous I was when we last met and she still sent _you_. A weakling, if you didn't catch my drift." Aren had now been withdrawn from the ground and was trailing a groove in the asphalt as Jexsam walked toward the Goliath. "I bet even Demyx could take you with little difficultly." He now stood in front of the kneeling brute.

"Pop quiz. Do you remember what I said before we started this whole unnecessary charade?" With those last words, Aren was plunged hilt deep into the face of the wailing beast. He stopped his flailing and fell backwards, his body crashing and beginning to fade into flakes of black. The darkness swirled lightly at first, but then picked up and grew, and grew, and grew until it became a calm maelstrom. As the shadows cleared, Aren clattered to the ground before disappearing in a dazzle of sparks.

Where the beast's stomach had been there was now nothing but a simple Dark Ball floating erratically in a deranged agony. The Dark Ball upon seeing Jexsam's approach exploded in a cloud of darkness.

"Le sigh. What a wimp." Jexsam searched the area until he saw a familiar yellow blob standing out against the black. He made his way over to the blob and, reaching it, wrapped his arm around Larxene's midsection and picked her up, slinging her over his shoulder.

**BOOM.**

Jexsam turned to the disturbance. There it was again. The feeling as if the world's gravity was increased tenfold had returned. His eyes narrowed. "Cowardly bastard." He couldn't fight like this. Not with such a dirty face! Oh, and there was that thing about, y'know, carrying an incapacitated Larxene. But before he had time to wonder just how he was expected to get rid of the body in a safe place, the feeling vanished, as if it had never been there in the first place. Jexsam released another sigh. "Whatever, man. I didn't feel like it anyway."

"GO! GO! GO! GO! GO!" The chanting continues on and on as the two juggernauts went at it, neither giving an inch to the other. "GO! GO! GO!" Two, three, four went down and neither combatant showed any sign of slowing.

"YOU GOT IT BOOOY!" The Superior's manly shout could be heard throughout the castle floors and even in the basement where Vexen's lab was located. There Larxene was just opening her eyes.

"Oh good, you're finally awake. Now I can get off death duty." As Larxene's eyes slowly became less blurred and her vision adjusted to the dark of the lab, she saw that Jexsam was standing over her holding a book.

She sat up, wincing once at the pain in her torso and took in her surroundings. She had never been in the lab herself as she had refused to go anywhere near the place after Vexen had taken her favorite teddy bear to do who-knows-what. Instead, she had received disturbing reports from other the other inhabitants of the castle. "What do you mean by death duty? Ugh!" She fell forward and began to convulse.

"Whoa, wait!" Jexsam ran and grabbed a plastic bag from Vexen's cabinet. "Horf in this!"

And so she did, what a beautiful sight. "Now in answer to your question," he handed her a handkerchief as he began his explanation, "do you really not remember that you had a bigass hole in your chest?"

Her eyes widened in shock as she looked down to see that she indeed was not wearing her MLPFIM t-shirt, but was instead topless save for a couple layers of bandages wrapped around the top of her torso.

"I seem to remember somebody just allowing that _thing_ skewer me." She shot a pointed glare at Jexsam.

He shrugged. "View it as you will. You didn't die, that's all that matters so don't complain."

"Chff. Whatever." She swung her legs over the stole hospital bed and looked down at herself again. At least she was still wearing her pants… "Hold on, did Vexen see my chest?"

"Hm?" Jexsam looked confused. "What does it matter if he did or not? He _is_ a doctor after all." Her eyes narrowed. "But, if it is that important to you no, he did not. He had his Chemist nobodies do all of the work whilst he shouted orders at them from across the room."

"That's much better than the alternative." Larxene stood and began to walk toward the door. Not stumbling once on any of the cables that littered the floor. "Oh yeah, thanks," she said over her shoulder. "I think I woke up for a second out there. I wouldn't have been able to make it back by myself."

*******"No problem. I think that Saix would have considered you dead weight but I figured that since I was going to get chewed out about something else anyway, I might as well add another strike against me.

The corners of her mouth curled upward, her teeth flashed to reveal a grin. "Why how kind of you, sir." With that she stepped out of the lab and closed the door.

A second later, Zexion teleported in, carrying a trophy. "So," Jexsam started, inspecting the trophy. Xemnas was screaming because you won the ice cream eating competition, eh?"

Zexion nodded. "Yep. Xaldin started crying and saying something about a stomach ache after only downing twelve pints, the pansy. Want to help me find a place to put it?"

"Yeah sure, since you're obviously unable to find a place yourself."

**Wow umm, yeah this is embarrassing. Just so you know beating down my door and forcing me to type is**_** not**_** the right way to get an earlier update. So how did you guys like this chapter? I tried to make it slightly more serious what with the action and all. Or, to be more accurate, the lack of action. Really the only thing that really happened was that Jexsam got slapped in the face by a Solar Beam. The difference between him and a certain yellow rat is that instead of bitching and holding his knee, Jexsam gets mad ass! **

***It's a word, look it up.**

****PERSPECTIVE SHIFT BITCHES**

*****AND AGAIN!**

**So **you** guys know the drill, read, review, or not, you know, whatever floats your boat. Supreme King is out!**


	6. The Filler Where Nothing Happens

**RIOT! Well, after a month of refusing to look at my laptop, I decided that I had certain priorities. Those being, wasting valuable time bumping around on a website that doesn't even like me. Can I really be blamed? I'm kind of lacking motivation, what with all of my e-mails including useless materials that do nothing but insult my face. Well, what-the-fug-ever. It brings me great honor to return to HW.**

"You're goin' DOWN bug!" Axel spoke with waning confidence. His arm was starting to get tired.

"Aw, shut it pedo. I can smell fear AND urine." Larxene was faring no better, she feared a popping of the blood vessels.

"You lost it first!"

"I _so_ did not!"

"You're both idiots. It's just arm wrestling," said an obviously bored Roxas.

It was true. The most epic arm wrestling match ever was currently underway with Larxene and Akusel neck and neck for the win. Roxas looked on at this sad display of incompetence with his face resting on his fist. If he had any choice in the matter, Roxas would have been out of the castle already instead of in the Grey Area watching these two piss themselves.

"Come on now. You know that Xemnas is already going to be mad about what you did to his chairs – by the way, whose idea was it for the both of you to drink a pint of water before doing this- why don't we all just go shopping together?" Today – night – whatever, it was Roku's turn to go grocery shopping, but he always went with someone to help him carry the supplies needed to sustain sixteen human-sized existences. He would have gone with Xion today, but she had _things_ to do. Xemnas was busy stealing dinner plates for the Kitchen of Unmoving Mouths, so he was occupied. Xaldin was quite honest about his plans for today. 'I'll be a Viking today,' whatever that meant. And Demyx was trying out his new arm after Jexsam ruined the last one, so Roxas was actually glad he didn't have to spend the day with him. Then he made the grave mistake of asking a delighted Larxene while Axel was in stalker mode. That's about when this competition started.

"Because Axel is a total fag," said though ground teeth.

"Because Larxene is a total bitch," said likewise.

IT was at this time that a certain gunman decided to pop into existence right where a certain blond hedgehog used to be. Roxas had been wiped from the face of reality. Oh wait, he's just being sat on. My bad.

"Alright, I smelled an arm wrestle and I want to bet on who wins." Xigbar was rubbing his hands together, anticipation clouding all senses to the point that he could not feel Roxas painstakingly dragging himself out from under Xigbar's humongous tush. Oh, but that's not all.

At the sound of a possible bet being made, everyone's favorite gambler dived though a newly opened Corridor onto the other spot on the couch, which happened to be where Roxas was recovering.

Said pancake managed to roll onto the floor, giving himself enough room to down a potion that magically appeared in his hand. He stood and asked, "Is it really such a good idea to have the masters of Time and Space sitting so close together with thoughts of gambling?"

Xigbar turned his head to the boy for a second, face devoid of emotion. "It should be fine as long as our weapons don't go off on each other at the same time." Wait… What?

"Because no one is _ever_ near blows in this castle," Roxas muttered. Hold on now…

As if on cue, "PERVERT!"

Followed closely by an, "INSECT!"

At this Roxas sighed and gave up. "I've had about enough of this. I'm going to dress up a few dusks in people clothes and have them carry the stuff for me."

Axel looked up and broke his concentration. "What was th- AAUUGH!"

The wooden table that once held up both of their elbows was now nothing more than a heap of splinters, most of which were now stuck in the back of Axel's hand.

Axel ignored the dangerous amount of blood that was flowing from his hand. "Devil woman!" But Larxene wasn't there. A quick scan of the room revealed that she was actually _on her knees_ begging – _begging? –_ for Roxas to take her shopping. This was so shocking that he barely took note of the exchange that passed between Xigbar and Luxord.

"Damn. Guess you win again."

"Don't I always? Really, it would save you the trouble of losing to just give me your money when the bet is cast. I'll never be wrong."

"Yeah, that does sound like an idea. Save a lot of time too… Hey wait a minute. You didn't look into the future to see who would win, did you?"

"I can legally respond by saying that it is within my ability."

"That means maybe not. Okay, your story checks out."

"Great. Now if you are finished being gullible I shall spend my winnings on the cathouses of the multiverse. Byesies!"

"Later. What a nice boy… Oh that mother!"-

* * *

><p>"What is it Vexen? You're getting too much screen time and it annoys me." Saix slowly descended the steps that led to Vexen's Lab while crumpling up and throwing away the summons that led him to this dank workshop.<p>

"Hello to you too Saix," the scientist of the subject said offering beastie a cup. "Would you like some tea? I had Namine make some. She's quite handy with leaves."

Saix took the cup and a seat in front of a peculiar tank. "Don't change the subject." Sip. "What is it that you need." This was not said as a question, but rather with no inflection at all. This suggested that Saix had twelve other things (or people) that he would have rather been doing and did not want to waste more time.

Vexen took a seat himself. Sip. "It is quite simple, actually. I still hate Jexsam, so I am not quite finished torturing him."

Saix closed his eyes with a satisfied, "humph." Sip. "So that's what you have been doing all this time? I can't say that I am really surprised. You never did get over him taking that-." Pause. Sip. "_Thing_ of yours."

"Exactly my reasoning." Sip. "Perfectly justified, wouldn't you say?"

"Hardly." Saix took a flip to the hair and a sip to the mouth. "I, unlike you, have nothing against him whatsoever. Of course, no one has caught fire in the last hour, so I will assist you out of my own boredom."

Sip. Vexen set down his cup and grinned. "The anticipated response. If you would, take a look behind you."

Saix took one look at the tank and turned back to Vexen, ignoring his loss of blood. "Another puppet, Vexen? As if one wasn't bad enough? I bet you're going to call her Twilight-Sparkle-Rainbow-Princess-Starshine-Hikari-Heart, or something like that. Let me guess: she was made from Riku, so she has a Keyblade too? Everyone likes her, but everyone hates her out of jealousy, and her life is so terrible, and she has abusive parents, and she goes to school with Sora, who dumps his bitch of a girlfriend Kairi/Yuffie/Rikku/Namine for her? She's captain of the girls' volleyball team and the best artist in the world, and can play five instruments at once? She's the only one who can save the world from Kairi/Yuffie/Rikku/Namine who turned to darkness to get revenge and winds up saving Sora's life in the end? Then Riku comes out of nowhere and proposes to her so now Sora and Riku both fight for the rest of eternity for her affection?"

Vexen blinked. "No, actually not at all." Blink again. "All of that stuff you just said, every last bit of it was stupid, and we should kill it with fire. Just… Wow." Vexen pinched in between his eyebrows and made a gagging noise. He recovered and said, "That is the most disturbing thing that I have ever heard, and I have supported Zexion in one of his poetry jams." Another gagging sound was made and Vexen visibly straightened. "Actually, she is a replica I made from both Larxene and Lexeaus. I added in a little bit of goldfish for her attention span."

"Sounds horrible. So you are going to use her as a weapon to make Jexsam's life miserable? How exactly?"

Vexen's grin returned. "Well Saix, that is where you come in. You will have to teach her the basics."

Beastie cocked his head to the side and put on a confused face. "Basics?"

"You know, Saix. Like breathing."

"Oh, so she's going to be dumb?" More confusion.

"Essentially, yes. Jexsam was never one to put up with idiots for very long, so making this girl his charge will be the ultimate source of entertainment for me." Vexen took out a notepad and looked down a list. "I have made some improvements to this model, so all of the technical difficulties we went through with Xion will not be repeated." He looked back to Saix. "I have already run though this with Xemnas so I know that it's okay. You will present her at the next meeting as Jexsam's apprentice. Then we sit back and watch the fireworks."

"An intriguing way to pass the time, it seems. There is just one problem though. She's naked."

"Oh yes, that." Vexen seemed unconcerned. "You will have to take care of that as well."

Saix produced a handkerchief from his cloak pocket and proceeded to wipe his nose. "What will be left for Jexsam to teach her then?"

The devil's eyes widened and he cracked a wild grin that stretched from ear to ear. "Well, aside from how to survive in our wacky world, he will have to teach her about her body, and its functions!" There was laughter then. Not nice laughter. It was laughter of the insane variety. This laughter was so insane it caused Saix to drop his cup and allow it to shatter into many porcelain pieces. Vexen's smile vanished.

Beastie rubbed the back of his head. "Sorry about that."

Vexen stared at the mess and said, "You have nothing to apologize for." He looked to a door across the lab. "Namine! Could you come here? There was a bit of an accident!"

"Right away Vexen!" Namine came trotting out of the door with a small broom and dustpan and stopped in front of Vexen. She then turned to the cup and bent over to clean up the mess.

Saix's eyes widened when he realized the position Vexen was in when his wide eyed grin returned.

Namine dumped the contents of the dustpan into a trash bin and turned to head back to her room.

"Namine!"

She looked to Saix, "yes?"

"Remind me later this week that I have to take you underwear shopping. You are in desperate need."

The girl shrugged. "Okay." With that mental note made she returned to the back room.

Vexen shot a glare at Saix who ignored it and went to pour himself more tea.

* * *

><p>(In case you were wondering)<p>

"**CRAPCRAPCRAPCRAPCRAPCRAPCRAP**!"

This was said in the unison of Roxas and Larxene, who were in the process of running from Wal-Mart's' security division across the parking lot and diving into their Gummi Ship. Luckily for them, Wal-Mart's' shipping division is too crappy to make a proper Gummi Ship shipment when asked so the guards had no means of following them after takeoff.

"Damn it Larxene!" Roxas yelled from the drivers' seat to the backseat where Larxene was sitting with all of the groceries. He gave her Evil Eye through the rearview mirror.

"Sorry! These sneakers are just so pretty!" She offered Roxas false tears and the 'I'll love you forever if you forgive me' face. Both of these were super effective. "Besides, they look great on me! Can I pick or can't I?"

Roxas sighed and focused on the space road home. "I'd kill you if you weren't right."

"And she_ is_ right."

Roxas nearly jumped out of his seat when he heard the Superior's voice. He turned and saw not only him but also Marluxia holding a stack of dinner plates. They must have both hitched a ride to better transport those eating materials."Sir. Can you please punish Larxene for stealing those sneakers?

Xemnas looked hard at her. "Larxene, is this true?"

An ashamed nod was given in response.

The unexpected happened. Xemnas gripped her shoulders and started crying. "_I'm so proud of you!_"

* * *

><p>(Also in case you were wondering)<p>

Luxord had just had the time of his non-life in a brothel and was exiting with a few twenty munny whores when he heard shoutung in the distance.

"**DAMN YOU LUXORD**!"

He looked to the distance and saw Xigbar flying toward him at blinding speeds and charging what appeared to be an ragnaok level attack from his crossbow-gun-thingies! Luxord stood in front of the 'ladies' and pulled a card. "Ace of Spades. Nice." He then enlarged his ultimate defence and pushed it forward as a shield just as Xigbar let loose.

"SPATIAL ERASER!" A beam of purple light larger than Xigbar himself flew through the air at an incredible speed and collided with Luxor- OW MY EYE!

A large flash of light illuminated the area blinding Xigbar and Luxord both. When everything settled, the two idiots opened their eyes and looked at the three wailing bundles of scant clothing that littered the ground around their feet. Crap.

In unison,they both cried to the heavens. "NOT AGAIN!"

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><p><strong>The filler where nothing happens is right. Not much to say except that this is explaining what will be happening in the story before the real spit starts. Comment and tell me what you think whether good or bad. Oh and if you think that I am an awful person for no reason at all and decide to tell me via comment, could you please log in so I can tell you how little you matter to the world? Kthnxbai! Supreme King is out!<strong>


	7. So it Can Speak

**Gonna try to do the whole, "regular update thing." Probably going to phail. like that spelling there. Phail. Anyway, you know what really grinds my gears? When people interupt me when they think they know what I'm saying. Like this one time, THIS MOTHER F-**

* * *

><p>"Well this sucks so epicly. Not crash at all."<p>

XV was currently sitting on his throne with his hood drawn waiting for all of the other members to arrive. The only ones who had bothered to show up were he, obviously, Xaldin and Xemnas, who was currently looking around angrily as if trying to find something to spit at.

"Quit complaining! Where is everyone? I ordered them here half an extremely long time ago and they always obey my orders!"

Xaldin, who was currently in the middle of sharpening his ginsu, looked up and said, "No they don't." Whith that small input given, he then looked down and continued with his task.

"This is going nowhere." Jexsam looked down at an imaginary watch impatiently. 4:20. The men had been sitting for about seven hours. "Could you not just show the newbie in now and get it over with?"

"NO! That's not how it works! She needs to see all of her new comrades at once so she won't be surprised at how many people live here." This statement was especially strange coming from a man who has been known to overwhelm people just by breathing at them.

"Won't she be surprised at how many roommates she has if we show all of them to her right here? She might die of fright. Do you have any idea how much of a drag it would be for me to have sat here for a person to drop dead? That would be a pretty big damn drag!" There was an exess of arm waving.

"There is nothing for you to worry about young one-"

"Dude, I'm like twenty-six."

"Shut up. As I was saying, my Nobodies are strong. They do not die. Do you truly believe that we are alone in this endless struggle to regain what we find most dear? No, there are many who are as we... As the Darkside to the Shadow. But why would it be that this glorious abode is not filled to the brim with our fellow soulless husks? The answer, dearest phantom, is that I only choose the strongest and most capable for our brothers and sister..." Blah, blah, blah

Xaldin waited a few seconds and looked up to say, "Yes we do," before he moved on to a halberd.

"And just what do you mean by that sir?" Xemnas had stopped in the middle of a speech that no one was listening to after Xaldin said that.

"You can't mean you don't remember. Three years ago? The incident that nearly made you turn Vexen into a Creeper?"

"Ah, of course. That idiot cut the organization by half. But thank goodness we had someone the rejects trusted on our side." Then, Xemnas smiled. It wasn't the nice smile you get from the cashier at the grocery store or from your elderly neighbor across the street who always says 'what a nice family.'

No, this was the Xemnas smile: triumphant, proud, intimidating, and untrustable. It was the smile he wore when his victory was certain and absolute. He and Xaldin turned their heads at the same time to look at number XV. "Now, what was his name again?"

"Sigh." Jexsam took out a thin hardcover book from who-knows-where titled Final Fantasy and opened to somewhere in the middle. "I'd rather not discuss this topic, old and stale as it has become." Looking down into the pages, he read aloud, "_'The god of undeath has a name of twenty-seven syllables spoken simultaneously by six ever-screaming mouths.' 'Yeah, or Jessie to his friends.'"_

BEEP!

Xaldin took out his cell phone and flipped it open, scanning the screen. "It's Xigbar saying they'll be here in five minutes."

"Really, now?" Jexsam shook his head and closed the book. "Right when I was going to get some reading done."

Have you ever seen someone _blink_ angrily? Think of that and multiply it by two and you get the gist of what Xemnas' face was looking like at the moment. "So they planned to be late to this most glorious of meetings? Tell them to turn those five minutes into four seconds if they don't want to be disintegrated."

Half a second later, everyone poofed into Where Nothing Gathers.

Lexeaus stood in his Chair That Never Was and bellowed, "WHOPPER!" He then sat and started eating a bag of chips. He was eating an actual BAG of chips, not the chips themselves. You see why they worry for him when he's out of character.

Xemnas glared at them all. "So you were at Burger King?" They all nodded. Marluxia had a stain on his cloak, which is not actually important, but was mentioned to show how much of a slob he is. "Well, I'll kill you all later-."

"Contradiction!" Xaldin said, rather rudely.

"Shut up!" Xemnas pointed an angry finger at the lance wielder. "Now send her in!"

The air vibrated as a group of sorcerers floated through a newly opened corridor with the new member in tow. There was a sort of warbling sound as they disappeared.

She was short by the Organization's standards, taller than Roxas by three inches at the most. Her hair was a reddish blonde and wavy, coming to her shoulders. The face: pale, round and dotted with freckles above both cheeks, a small and slim nose protruding from the center. Her face was pierced by large sapphire eyes that shined with childlike wonder. Her cloak was barely zipped, only a little at the OH MY GAWED JUST LOOK AT THAT BUST. This revealed a snug looking (not that Xaldin checked or anything) tank top and black skinny Organization Brand pants that were ripped in several places so that they showed off her slim not Maleficent-hairy legs. Her boots were identical to Larxene's for lack of a less lazy comparison. There was also the strange thing about his girl being instantly familiar to Jexsam, who stole a glance at Vexen. Said scientist grinned and wiggled his fingers at the man with the twitching eye.

Everyone took her in with some amount of interest, varying from member to member. Xion was glaring and mumbling something close to, 'Why couldn't my outfit be like that?'

Larxene blinked once and touched her face in question. If Jexsam were not so flabbergasted he would have eased her sorrow. There was also Lexeaus who fondled a lock of his hair in wonder.

Saix was wiping his eyes for some reason, choked twice exactly and finally spoke up, "Speak your name, neophyte."

Once the source of the voice was located her eyes focused as she obviously remembered Saix. She giggled goofily with a large grin on her face and said in a moderately toned voice, "But dude, you already know what my name is. Why do I have to tell you?"

"JUST DO IT WENCH!" That scream blew everyone's hair back; even Luxord's somehow which left the master of time in awe. It was plain to see that this girl easily annoyed Saix. Xigbar's face suddenly split into a smile.

"Y-yes sir!" she snapped to attention and said, "My name is Dick-see!"

Saix covered his face with his hands and shouted to the heavens, "NOOOOOOO!" He put his hands down and glared at her. "Listen and listen close you little booger, 'cause this is the last time I'm gonna tell you this. Your name is Dixie, DIXIE!"

"Ohhh," she said when the laughter died down, "See dude, that makes a lot more sense! I wonder why you didn't just call me that before."

"Yes Saix," Vexen began in the most infuriating voice possible. "Why didn't you call her that?"

Saix breathed smoke at the accursed madman and gazed toward the Superior of the Zebra Print Bathrobe, a pleading look in his eyes. "Sir, can I kill her? I need to, just a swipe for all I've been put through. Please, just a little?"

"Saix," said the Mansex in question, waving a rolled-up newspaper that he produced from somewhere behind him, "you know that you're still on probation for what you did while playing with Santa at the mall."

Poochie sat back in his seat with his arms crossed and his head down muttering. If Jexsam listened closely he could hear what was being mumbled. Something along the lines of, "well, I sat on the guy's lap and smelled peanut butter so…" Eugh.

"Oh, that reminds me! That waiting room you guys had me in didn't have buffet bar and I really gotta-"

"How did any of what was just said remind you of that?" Xemnas inquired. "Wait a second. All of our waiting rooms have buffet bars."

Dixie put a finger to her chin. "Now that I think about it, it didn't really _look_ like a waiting room at all. It was maybe four feet by four feet and there were brooms everywhere and they had these big, red eyes and were glaring at me. Is that, like, normal or something?"

The Superior looked down at his second-in-command accusingly and said, "A dirty broom closet, Saix? Really? And not just any closet, but the Closet of Forgotten Cleaning?"

Saix folded his arms. "I regret nothing."

"That was, like, a closet for real? Dude, that is so cool! I've never seen one up close!" She seemed a lot more excited about this than she should have been. Jexsam pinched the bridge of his nose sighed as the girl began to bounce up and down. Does she not know the meaning of the word cruelty?

"I like the new girl!" Xigbar was now bouncing in his seat, elated that there was now someone that talked similar to him. You know, the way he talks in those awful fan fictions or whatever they're called when people don't give a rats' ass about how he talks.

"So do I!" Xaldin too shared his affection for their loveable new addition. "After all, she's the FIRST ORGANIZATION MEMBER TO HAVE BOOBIES IN YEARS!" With that statement he flew out of his seat toward Dixie with an insane smile plastered on his face, but was stopped when he was shocked by about twelve thunder spells that smashed him into the wall above his seat and stabbed into place through his pelvis by a sword that was mysteriously shaped like a key with a 'made in china' sticker on one side. His eyes rolled into his head and fell unconscious.

Roxas shook his head in disappointment. "He should really stick to stalking that girl in the Beast's castle. This is just sad." All members nodded their heads in agreement.

"OMG! Is he okay?" She seemed to not have noticed that she was about to be raped and that no one was going to stop it from happening.

Xemnas shook his head and said, "Dixie, you are dumb."

"_Thank_ you."

"Hush Saix. Now as I was saying, you are dumb Dixie. I mean really, really dumb. No offence intended."

"None taken!" Does she even realize that she was just insulted? Her tongue was hanging out from between her lips. Jexsam could not believe this.

"So we are appointing you a mentor." Most of the nobodies in the room looked around trying to figure out just which one of them would get the 'honor.' "It will be..." Pause for dramatic effect. "The Glimmering Phantom: Jexsam. 'COUGHgaynameCOUGH'"

There was an earthquake then. Someone's eye was twitching and a certain scientist was giggling uncontrollably.

There was a great wall of applause from all members (glad to not have to put up with her) except for Xigbar, who screamed, and Xaldin who had regained consciousness when XV's name was said.

Xigbar was down there faster than you could say teleportation due to space manipulation. He was hugging the Seventeenth member against his chest furiously and shouting things such as, "You can't do this!" and, "I won't let you kill her!" She just stood there enjoying the attention with a content look on her face.

"Yeah!" Xaldin cried. "You tell 'em Xig! They can't-" He was cut off when a knife, curiously painted yellow lodged itself in his pelvis, dangerously close to his rape tool. He then hung his head and fainted. Again.

"Come now, female dude!" Xigbar had taken on a hero's pose, one fist raised triumphantly in the air. "Let us take you away from this dangerous place!"

As soon as he was finished with that sentence, He found himself growing rather acquainted with the floor.

It appeared that Jexsam had enough of the yelling and jumped from his throne, landing on Xigbar back. Right on his spine. He could be dead. "I'm terribly sorry about him. He's like this sometimes." He thought for a moment and amended, "well, a lot of the time. Most of the time. He's always like this." She looked up at him with a peculiar expression, her head cocked to the side. "Oh, sorry. My name is Jexsam." Blank stare. "You know, Jexsam?" Blank stare. "The guy that's training you?" Blank stare. Her face was turning blue. "Oh hearts, I think that breathing would help."

Inhale-DOUKEN! After she started breathing easily she looked up and gave him the same large grin. "Thanks a bunch, man, you're awesome!"

"Well yes, I am, but it is common knowledge that neophyte Nobodies need to breathe to not be dead." As much as Jexsam believed in modesty, he wasn't going to say she was _wrong_, especially when she wasn't.

"Okay, enough pleasantries!" Xemnas said with earned authority. "It's time to get started. You two have to go into town. While you're there, YOU," he stuck his finger in Jexsam's face, "Have to show her the ropes. Killing heartless and making long speeches before battling powerful opponents in an attempt to stall them before dying ourselves, you know what I mean, the usual stuff." He looked directly at Jexsam and added, "and try not to kill her too much."

"Aww."

"Shut up Saix!" He turned back to the new recruit. "Any questions?"

"Yes. You were in your seat a moment ago, so like, how did you get over here to point at this guy?" Dixie was obviously confused and had no idea that questions like these were asked every day.

"No questions! To Memory Skyscraper, now!"

"Wait! I still gotta go-"

"Of course." Jexsam did not allow her to finish. He looked to the floor and soon another shiver shook the air as a corridor opened beneath them.

Dixie started wobbling, "whoa, w-whoa, wha- EEEIIIIIK!" and fell through the hole in the floor.

"Sigh," Jexsam spoke," amateurs." He then made a rude gesture at Vexen and slowly slid into the ground after stepping off of Xigbar's back in some unseen motion to make his way to the building. The corridor closed as soon as his head disappeared.

"Did he really have to stick his tongue out at me? Oh, dear," Vexen said looking at imaginary windows, "The Ice signal!" He stood in his seat and opened a corridor in front of him. "Zexion," he said loudly with his finger in the air, "Play me out, now!"

Zexion did not even widen his eyes. Instead, he sighed and took a deep breath. "Nana nana nana nana, nana nana nana nana, Vexen!"

The 'hero' of the subject leaped through the portal and closed it immediately after.

Zexion met the stares head on and said, "I get paid for this. So, is anyone else going to pretend that they aren't about to watch how hilarious this is going to be?"

In response, all but Xigbar, who was still dead, and Xaldin, who was trying not to cry about his poor Melvin, teleported away to hide in the buildings situated around the Skyscraper.

* * *

><p><strong>WERE YOU NOT ENTERTAINED? Seriously though, Tell me what you think, yadda yadda, the usual stuff. You get an upside down high five from Xigbar if you can figure out the two members of the Organization that were not mentioned in this chapter. Read, review, all of that stale stuff. Supreme King is out! Bitches...<strong>


	8. Damn it Vexen

**S'up my legion of worship- erm, uh I mean, Fanfictionites? Yeah, being lazy has its perks, but nothing beats typing my dreams. That said, let's get this train moving and going over a bridge and rolling over a rock and tilting to one side and tipping over the edge and blowing up from the ignited fuel and creating mass carnage and destruction that none shall forget in all of their days. Yeah, sorry about this, but line break isn't working for me right now, so I had to improvise. Badly.**

**[BREAK!]**

"I can't believe that Saix just stuck me with someone this incompetent," I could not help speaking to myself. You may think it a cruel thought, but if you had the slightest idea how disoriented she was you would understand pain. True pain. It is the sort of pain that can only be summoned forth by multiple slaps to the forehead.

I was in the middle of multitasking. Yes, I am talented, aren't I? First, and of the greatest import, I was plotting a funeral, for obvious reasons. Second, I was counting how many times the replica had fallen. This was the ninth time in the past five minutes. "Oof!" Tenth. Third, I was figuring out what I was going to eat later. I'm thinking tacos. Lastly, I was looking over a text that Vexen sent me, giving me a short briefing on what exactly I was going to be teaching this girl. This list was quite humiliating as it involved me solving issues pertaining to the lavatory. I lost my eye to the spasms. Damn it Vexen.

When the final struggles had left my manly face, I stood back unblinking with my arms crossed as simple Shadows emerged from the ground. They must have sensed the vibrations her face made when it smacked the hard, hard concrete.

Dixie, on wobbling legs, stood up completely oblivious to their approach and looked up at me. Where she suddenly gained the dexterity to stand up straight AND put her hands on her waist at the same time was beyond even I. "You could have helped me up."

I closed my eyes and shook my head. Looking at her once more I said, "You expect me – any of the Organization for that matter – to help you up in the heat of battle? Not likely. You'd be nothing more than dead weight." As much fun as it would have been to wait for her to figure out the meaning of 'dead weight,' we had things to do. "Now pay attention!"

Dixie's head snapped around so she could understand my meaning. She then looked to the ground at no command and nearly jumped out of her skin upon seeing a Shadow doing a little dance at her feet.

I was suddenly reminded of the fact that she had not gotten a chance to use the bathroom before we left the castle. Damn it Vexen.

The Shadow looked at her shoes and skittered backward suddenly. Damn it Vexen.

From the way she was standing on one foot, the other comically suspended in the air, I could tell that she was far too terrified to have even the slightest clue on how to take in all of the creatures' details; such as those beady round eyes, those terrifying antennae, and the sinister way he seemed to have no genitals. It was revolting.

With a small whimper, she turned to look at me again and asked, "W-what do we do?" her voice trembling. Oh great, so she's a coward too. Damn it Vexen.

"What do you think?" I asked, somehow letting all or the annoyance that had accumulated over the last few minutes out in the one question. "_You _kill it."

The Shadow, upon hearing this, started to shake with what I could only conclude was laughter. I could not really blame him.

"What do you mean kill it?" Wide eyes. Damn. Must not succumb.

"What do you think I mean? Crush it. Maim it. Give it the stabbity doom. You know... kill?" I could have sworn I could hear a scientist's laughter from the building behind me. Vexen?

"How?" Dixie pleaded, an almost tearful look in her eyes. Don't look. You'll hate yourself forever.

Seeing that this was going nowhere, I allowed a few sparks to discharge from my fingers in my frustration. I had the satisfaction of seeing her flinch. "I just told you. Slow one isn't she?" I said to no one in particular. "How do you fight?" spoken in response to her blank stare. I was losing patience fast.

"I don't fight! Fighting makes blood and blood makes my fingers smell funny!" She looked absolutely horrified at the thought, as if she were told to kiss a starfish. Damn it Patrick.

"Fine, then." I shrugged. Indifference is the best medicine, after all. "Then it will kill you. Happily, I'd assume. Probably singing show tunes in his head all the while. Maybe he would even have his way with your body afterwards. Not a pretty sight, let me assure you."

Her head spun faster than I could see. The heartless was nodding vigorously in confirmation of the fact that, at the very least, he would be singing show tunes with his nonexistent mouth. He then readied himself for a pounce.

"How could this story possibly still be have a **T** rating!" She looked at me and did not give an answer to my questioning face. "Dude..." She whispered, "Please, help." Her knees were shaking as if she were actually feeling fear.

"Hmm. Nope," I said looking at the back of my left glove, "as your mentor, it would be irresponsible of me to save you from everything. Of course, it would be even more irresponsible to let you die. But, as I always say, good riddance to sparkly vampires." I don't care if that doesn't have any bearing on the situation.

The Shadow, seemingly tired of the talking, sprang at Dixie, claws extended. She shielded her face with her hands in response to this act, her mouth opening in a silent yelp of fear.

'Right about now' I thought. 'If I'm wrong, then she'll die faster than one of Larxenes'-

But of course, Jexsam can never be wrong. As I predicted, there came a brief flash of light bright enough to illuminate all things under the gaze of the skyscraper. As the flare died, she stood with a look of awe, staring at the sight of the Shadow skewered in front of her.

From her right hand sprouted a thick, pale yellow knife about a foot long in length, glowing white runes carved into the blade. The knife stabbed into the belly of the bastard, seeming to burn him from the inside.

The heartless was writhing at the end of her fingers let out a squeak of despair before poofing to death in a small explosion of onyx dust.

The Shadows' pals (who had for some reason started playing card games and writing screenplays), upon seeing the death of their comrade, turned tail and ran around the corner, seemingly forgetting that they could disappear into the ground at will.

"Congratulations," I said, though it went one ear and out the other since she was making the knife appear and disappear with high pitched giggles. My eye twitched. "Okay, let's go."

She turned toward me. "Go where?"

"Where else? Back to the castle. We need to get you- HACKERSDFHG!" Choking. Sorry. "_Potty trained". Damn it _Vexen.

"Aww." She looked upset and was... pouting? "Were not gonna kill more stuff? No fair, I just got the hang of it!"

I almost said something in response to this before I froze. I'd felt it. The surge of power I had been waiting for, easily recognizable by the sickeningly cold feeling that would overtake the area. I would know it anywhere. It wasn't like last time. I didn't have an unconscious Nobody weighing me down. Of course, this could be worse.

Dixie, snapping out of her false glee, looked at me and noticed my change. "Okay, I'll go back. Just cut it out with that freaky face, dude." I had no change, trying to pinpoint the power's source. Everywhere at once. Great. Dixie scratched the back of her head as if trying to find the cause of my condition. "Are you alright, man?"

And just like that the signal was gone. So I was being taunted?

I looked down as I felt a tug on my sleeve. "What was that about?" she asked with her eyes wide, an infuriatingly curious expression on her face. The same expression that I would have to grow used to. I then searched the distance. Long gone by now.

"Nothing important. Let's go, neophyte." I turned to walk away, not stopping to make sure that she was following me. Sure enough, I heard the clip-clop of heels in pursuit of my own clack-clack as we made our way to the still open portal.

**BUZZ, BUZZ.**

My face settled into a scowl as I pulled out my phone, already aware of who had texted me. Flipping it open, I took a single glance at what Vexen told me to do under the Superiors' orders and began to choke again. I allowed my silent convulsions to cease and looked at Dixie. "Change of plans." Damn it Vexen. "I'm not potty training you." Damn it Vexen.

The curious expression had returned. "So, what's up?" Damn it Vexen.

I sighed in an over exaggerated manner and said, "It's bath time." Damn. It. Vexen.

"DAAAAAAMN IIIIIIIIT VEEEEEEXEEEEEENN!"

"Ooh! You said a bad word!"

**[BREAK!]**

Xaldin and Exlin sat in the Grey Area minding their own business. Well, not really. Xaldin was rapidly surveying his surroundings angrily, eyes fixed in a glaring position. After about five minutes of this, Exlin grew weary of the wind flipping the pages of his book without his consent. His head snapped up and he looked at Xaldin as he finally figured out where he was.

"The Grey Area! Outrage!" His angry breaths were creating small whirlwinds that stirred more paper.

"What is so bad about being here, exactly? You have me for non-interactive company." His voice was devoid of emotion. He really didn't want to talk to Xaldin.

Xaldin pointed a _sharp_ glare at Exlin. See what I did there? "Why the hell are we here? It's bath time!"

"Oh, _that_. I should have known that was what you were so upset about." Now that the storm was quiet again, Exlin returned to his book.

"Answers, XVI!"

"The author was worried that if he wrote a scene describing the intimate details of 'Lady Parts,' as he so gently put it, he would have to change the rating on the story, and he was just _far_ too lazy to do that." Page flip.

Xaldin was still in outrage. "So instead he wrote out this entire useless scene to explain his choice? Slimy ass."

Page flip. "I would watch that tongue of yours, Xaldin. Do you _want _to be erased?"

Xaldin crossed his arms. "Humph. It would be better than the alternative."

"How so?"

Another Glare of Doom was tossed Exlin's way. "You don't seem to understand me. I enjoy looking at lady pectorals. Why else do you think I spend so much time stalking that fine piece of [CEEENNSOORRSSHIIIIIIIIP] that lives around the Beasts' Castle? Whether or not you do is your own business but"-

"That's nice, son. Now if you would hush please." Exlin was still flipping through his book as if he had not been paying attention to a single word that the lancer had been saying.

The glare intensified to the point that if Exlin had been paying attention to it at all, he would have had his head blown off. "Why, I never"-

"Now, Xaldin, let's not get too upset. We wouldn't want another twister to wreck up Xemnas' good furniture. It was already enough of a pain to get those stains out from whatever Xigbar said that Axel and Larxene were doing and I would rather not have to buy Xemnas more stuff." It was Marluxia, strolling into the Grey Area to have a seat opposite Xaldin.

Xaldin had a contemplative look to him, then slowly nodded and did his best to calm down. "So Marluxia, what have you been up to?"

The reaper pulled a rose from somewhere in the back of his hair and gave it a sniff. "Nothing at all, really. You see that abrupt scene change up there?"

Both Xaldin and Exlin looked up past a few blocks of text and discovered that Marluxia was right. There was indeed a short white space separating the events of the present and the events of a few hours ago.

Marluxia crushed the flower in between his fingers and put the fragments back in his hair. "After that appeared we all just spawned in our destined places. I, for example, was spawned walking towards this room. It's quite fascinating really."

Exlin put the unnamed book down and bowed his head. "Oh that poor, poor fourth wall. Only a few straggling pieces left, I'm afraid."

Xaldin looked from the overly dramatic Exlin back to Marluxia. "Can you honestly tell me that you do not wish to see a nude number seventeen? I would have assumed that you would find it at least partially amusing given your… special tastes."

The man raised an eyebrow. "Special… tastes?" The question hung in the air.

"I assume he means those tendencies of yours that caused the Superior to have Vexen keep Namine in the basement with him and, subsequently, tell everyone to keep it a secret." Exlin had recovered from his small episode to leave that potentially dangerous input. Wait, potentially? What a laugh.

Marluxia stood to his feet and began to walk out of the room. Speaking over his shoulder he said, "I just remembered that I had something to talk with Vexen about. If you will excuse me."

"Bye."

"Good day."

There was a quiet in the room. It continued for a while until Exlin inquired, "have we done something horrible? I just feel like we've done something horrible." This was said without Exlin looking up from his book, a sign that he really didn't care.

Xaldin sighed. "It really shouldn't be a problem. Saix took her underwear shopping, after all." He stood and walked over to the kitchen. From there he began to prepare a bowl of ice cream.

"But why do you know that?" Again, Exlin didn't care.

When he returned, Xaldin had three scoops of mint. "I, coincidentally, had some important errands to run the same day that involved being in that particular section and aisle and dressing hall of the Mall that Never Was. I had to buy a digital camera."

This caught Exlin's interests and he looked up to see how the other man was going to explain. When some time passed and no explanation was given, he asked, "the Mall that Never Was keeps their cameras next to the women's dressing rooms?"

"No."

"**DAMN IT SAIX!"**

Xaldin looked at the floor, the direction of the basement. "Hm. It appears that Marluxia has discovered Seven's treachery."

"What manner of treachery is this?" Jexsam walked in at that moment out of his cloak, a shiny Dixie close behind.

Xaldin was visibly holding back a scowl. "He bought Namine underwear to protect her from Vexen's perversion." He then looked at Dixie. "How was the bath?"

"I'm squeaky clean!"

"She splashed me. Multiple times, in fact. I had to take off my cloak." Jexsam's face was a mask of faux disgust.

"Really?" Exlin let out a low chuckle, obviously with the intention of further irritating the drying man. "So, you walked here from the seventeenth floor? A corridor would have been much faster."

Jexsam shook his head and began to lead the girl who was still talking about how clean she was over to the kitchen. "Don't you have any Idea how filthy those things are? There is no way I'm letting that work go to waste." He looked back at Dixie. "You wanted a sandwich, make one. Don't go back outside tonight unless a sparkly and preachy man in a zebra print bathrobe tells you to. You know where your room is, go there." He then narrowed his eyes and got in her face. "I'm going to sleep. Do. Not. Bother. Me. Do you understand?"

Dixie, who had at some point made a sandvich when no one had been looking, nodded with a full mouth.

Jexsam stood back at his full height. "Great. Good night." He turned to walk away but stopped when he passed Xaldin. "Oh, and Lancer?"

Xaldin was looking downward through more text. "Did anyone else see that other scene change?" He looked up to meet Jexsam's stare. "What is it?"

The man began to walk again. "Make sure to behave yourself, lest I find another use for Aren." With that possible threat hanging in the air, Jexsam made his exit.

Xaldin crossed his legs and sighed. "That man is completely and utterly insane," he said, virtually brushing off the implied mutilation. He looked down once more. "Seriously, am I the only one here seeing the rapidly approaching scene change? A badly written scene change at that?"

Dixie looked to the floor and scratched her head, obviously confused at seeing nothing. "Umm, what?"

Exlin snapped his head up and glared at Xaldin. "The fourth wall, Xaldin! You're killing it!"

Xaldin sat back and put his hands behind his head. "Hey, as long as it doesn't fall on me, I'm fine."

**[BREAK!]**

"Superior."

"Yes Saix, what do you need?"

"Have you not felt the disturbances?"

"You mean besides those nuisances that Vexen created? Yes, those flashes of energy are getting to be quite annoying. It is distracting."

"Indeed, my meditation has been cut short repeatedly. What should we do?"

"Nothing."

"Noth- that isn't some sort of innuendo, is it?"

"Not at all. I've had a conversation with Jexsam. They will be resolved shortly."

"Ah, so that's what it is?"

"As it seems."

"I see… Best to just allow this to run its course then."

[**BREAK!]**

**Oh crap, that worked . Cryptic, cryptic, cryptic! Not much to say, if anything. That last half of a chapter was really just me making up for how short it was originally going to be. Leave a review, or not y'know, whatever. Supreme King is out!**


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